Blah...

Okay, so I've been in sort of a blah mood over the last, oh, I don't know 3 or 4 weeks. I have wanted to blog, but then again didn't. I have needed to blog, but it just joined my list of every thing else I needed to do.

Not sure what my problem was. Well, actually I do know what it was, but to put it plain & simple, I just wasn't myself. I had become bogged down with the "stuff" of life & at the same time God was (& still is, of course) working on me. I wish I could allow Him to work & be fine & dandy with it. He is ever so patient with me & repeats the stuff I need to learn over & over & over again.

I guess I was sort of going through my own mid-life crisis?! I was having (and still struggle with it) a tough time accepting that my kids are growing up. I can't believe Grace will turn 7 in August & start 2nd grade a few weeks later. Really?! Wasn't it just yesterday I was holding her for the first time? Wasn't it just yesterday that it was the two of us at home all day long together...coloring, reading & playing? My heart hurts at how fast she is growing up. Don't get me wrong, I am excited at the new things she is learning & doing, but I just don't want it to happen this quickly.

Then you have Luke...my little man. He turns 4 in 9 days! Geez, wasn't it just yesterday that he came out growling like a little lion cub? He has been something else since he was born! I don't necessarily mean that to be negative, but if you were around when Luke was a baby you know exactly what I am talking about! He is a very strong willed little guy & has been from the get go. If I am honest, I am having a hard time with Luke. Let me give you an example... He took swim lessons a few weeks ago. On the last day of the lessons, his class showed all the parents what they learned. Darren, Grace & I were ready to see his new tricks, but he had another plan in mind. He cried & refused to get in the water with the other kids in the class. He sat there with us & we all watched his new friends do their tricks. Finally, I had had enough. I took him to the side & explained to him that he would not get his certificate & Popsicle from the teacher if he didn't show us what he had learned. (He watched Grace get hers the day before, so this was a big deal to him.) He agreed to get in the water, but there was a catch...only Grace could watch him. Darren & I had to stay on the side of the house & not watch. Oh my goodness, we realized at this point that we were in trouble. He owned us...or at least he thought he did. We still watched, but from a distance. I was embarrassed. I felt like I had just been punked by my own kid. I vowed that day to break this guy (under the loving guidance of God, of course). Man, I get all teary eyed & frustrated when I relive this memory!

With the fact that my kiddos are growing up (no longer babies or toddlers) comes the fact that I am growing up. I don't feel any older...I don't feel like I am 33. Please, no comments on this fact. Now, I know 33 is not "old". However, you begin to feel "old" when the kids that you had in youth group or even worse, children's ministry, are now in their early 20s or having kids of their own. Seriously?! I know that some of my best years are still ahead of me, but wasn't I just there?! Wasn't I just starting out with my own little family?! Gosh, time needs to SLOW DOWN!!

Now that school is out & summertime is in full effect I am hoping to improve my mood & tackle some of the things on that "to do list" that just kept getting put off. I am ready to have fun with my kiddos & make some fun memories this summer! I want to enjoy this stage of life that I am in & that my kiddos are in (yes, even Luke's difficult stage). I have to realize that life doesn't slow down for us. It doesn't wait for us to get into a better mood. However, God gives us each day & wants for us to enjoy it...trust in Him...live with no regrets. I want to do that. So, here's to summertime & happy memories.